i hate my narcissistic mother

Anyway, he gets involved and then calls mom back. I wish I could go NC, I am so tired of pretending they are grreat loving parnets. Thank you for that description and for taking the time to comment. Its better to realize that the narcissistic parent never really was a father or a mother, than pretending to have one and live a lie. But thats not really fair to you, is it? It is like a well of anger and despair. We tried to point out how upsetting my mothers behaviour was in an effort to support her as a family where everyones feelings were taken into account but she just wasnt interested. Feeling guilty for digging in deep and trying to heal myself. Im only two years into acceptance and recovering from my NM. narcissistic hates Hey, my sibling, say K, who is being horribly hurted by my mother. I think Im going to have to stop trying regarding the rest of my family in any way. Its hard mental work, and its not easy. I needed a project, a hobby, a way to express myself, and I used my anger to learn how to build a website. Oh W O W As soon as she arrived she started trying to pit us against each other. Im so sorry for the loss of your brother. I am done apologizing for everything and hurting myself to appease them. Having two kids made this rage more apparent to me I just couldnt allow her to treat my kids the way she treated me and so my mama bear instincts came out. His fianc was there throughout the whole ordeal- nine months pregnant at the time- and she calls 911 and all of that. I was then sent a copy of my mothers memoirs (laughably sad) to explain what an awful life shed had as if I didnt know it already! At 50 and after watching Mommie Dearest, I became exhilarated realizing my mother was just like Joan Crawford to me between the ages of 5 and 13. Theres so much strength in your words and they are missing out, its sad. I was so disappointed in myself. If youd like to know more about the RTT sessions to help you recover from narcissistic abuse, you can read more here or visit my homepage. Is it really possible to heal from this?? I loved him and looked up to him despite him being younger but looking back, he was a liar and never protected my feelings. It breaks my heart re my nephew and niece. When you understand something, secure your step like a climber and dont go backwards. You dont have to be face-to-face. Yes! Her opinion means nothing to me anymore it does not count, and she knows this. I have seen it time and again I guess its that child part in me still hoping for something that will never come but its exhausting acting like the only mature person in the family despite being the one with emotional problems! Therapy is also an excellent part of the process. Im in the bottom of the sea of grief..trying to grieve. I cannot go NC with these 2 losers who should never have had children to begin with because of my older brother, Years of abuse have traumatized him so much that he now hardly able to function. Thank you. Love it !!!!! Glad youre away Triangulation its called and theyre all guilty so what are they gonna say? I have to be somewhere else where I can feel the gentle breezes and warmth of the sun that bring me peace. This describes how I have been feeling every stage but couldnt put into words. I just always agreed to demands and whatever just to keep the peace and be a good person. I am 67 years old with 2 children and 14 grandchildren. narcissistic I refused him at least. Good on you! I have to live with her because Im living with my Grandma and my Grandma brought her back into the house after we had the cops remove her 4 years ago. We dont understand why they have so little to give emotionally. Here is the official RTT hypnotherapy site, and youll see how it helped me and thousands of others dealing with these emotional issues. 15 years sober and a clear picture of myself and clean conduct has revealed the severity of ugliness my mother thrives on. I made the mistake of leaving flying monkeys, MAJOR mistake!! Its time. You got to handle this. I am, currently, feeling very angry. No one can fathom this type of break and do not understand the dysfunctional dynamics of my family. I just want my own life I am tired and feel like I could have been a totally different person if I had a different mom. But to no avail. no one knows the enver ending hell it is unless youve been raised by these mfers. I am still in the processing stage and it feels never ending. Her ugliness never ends, she truly Makes me sick,I know she will never change,and if I thought telling her that I know who she truly is would do something I would tell her. The last Christmas I spent with them, it took me three weeks to recover. Nasty! Recovering from narcissistic abuse is exhausting; it drains you physically, mentally, and emotionally. But then she says this- Im too old to be a grandma the baby will have to call me Gigi. Toxic mothers who say family is everything are those who shoot fish in a barrel. Oh hell yeah I do. I am free from confusion and now I want to continue my life in the way I want it to go, and take time to heal in the process. The pandemic has had a way of forcing people to slow down and go within to find answers. I didnt miss her and to this day I dont. Ive got a 91yr old Nmutha Im living with THEYRE ALL THE SAME basically, some more evil then others. Thank you for sharing this and youre so right, sharing our stories is important so we know were not alone. My brother had come to take it seriously as some kind of loyalty thing, kind of like a sacred duty. So why do they do it to their adult children? My mothers friend also said I basically I had no chance of seeing the kids unless I had a relationship with my mother. Dont let these people win. Because the problem was never me. Its worrisome to see people are still suffering in their 50s and 60s. I was lucky to have my husband and his family supporting me. What kind of person does that to their own child? Just spent last night and this morning reading all the comments. Youre sitting on the couch, dissociating and unconsciously playing out a scene from the past in your head. Its not a race, there is no rush : but do not waste your time. I have healed a lot over the years, but at the age of 42 I faced my father again, after having no contact with him for 27 years. Ive gone through the rage and agony so many times, it has been debilitating and damaging to my life. ME ??? I intend to live freely whats left of my existence. My best advice is to stop trying to suppress your anger. Its hard to leave the past self in the past. I go inside the house and I had started hurting pretty good and I asked my mother in law to tell my mother to leave. That said, I like to be with friends or people who are fun to be around. Im trying to keep myself from not ending my life. I was then told by my compliment father Keep the peace for the family. Both my parents are narcissistic abusers and the rage that I have felt has completely exploded out of me in the last few days at them via letters and lots extraordinarily abusive voicemails the horrendous shame , and fear (of them)and emotional exhaustion at the level of my expressing such intense anger has left me being literally physically sick and shaking from top to toe. As a child, you were trapped in this place, and there was no way out. After 2 years, I can recognize myself getting better at managing it at least. Being isolated, being gaslighted, and called the crazy one all the time for as long as I can remember. He basically said he couldnt have a relationship with me and that I had put him in this terrible position. I live with my in laws and they are a good functioning family- and they are fully aware of what my mother is. Id say thats pretty accurate too. When I think about it, even when I was a little girl they were emotionally unavailable. Thank you for taking the time to comment and I wish you nothing but the best from now on. And mostly, my rage wanted to be heard and acknowledged by me. Ive had a lot of concussions from where she would take anything- dishes or even to cans of food and hit me in the head. I feel like therapy and reading about others experiences is helping to save my life and my future self. Financially Im so screwed, I wish I had the money, Id be writing this from a screened porch sipping coffee watching the sunset. narcissistic narcissist traits verble sociopath abuse narcissistic sociopath My mother asked her best friend (my godmother) to defriend me on social media. My beautiful daughter innocent and helpless to drug clear on opposite side of us so we couldnt be together I tried so hard so many things she had STOCKHOLM SYNDROME, TRAMA BONDING which is the desperate will to survive her abuse. I was made to feel so guilty because she had been there for me during my awful mental health struggles (looking back my upbringing caused most of them!) Its been five years since I was where you are, and I have the utmost respect for this part of the healing. (Sister went back as N mother was giving her the classic silent treatment after a row. Shes locked in a home. Anger at them making fun of my love for animals. Her reasoning was I would not have to walk through the house to go to the bathroom. You dont know what you dont know. If you think this is what youre going through, please dont be too hard on yourself because its exhausting. Ive seen her in public places because unfortunately we live in the same town- but I avoid her like the plague. Anger at the way they always made every solitary thing about them. Long story short I went to see my brother the day he was to be buried early in the morning with my dad( whom Ive gotten to know and now know that I was lied to about him and his family) and his family. Damn straight its not h3 age, youre right, mines always been this way..evil, lying, conniving..just a real Fkd up mother. You are SOOOO right. I just read all of these comments today. You have to allow yourself to process this crap and bring it to the surface. Its going to be heard one way or another. Im 8 months pregnant. Its 3am now and I have not been able to sleep because of the rage and continuous thoughts of all the ways she wronged and abused me. For the longest time I had no idea. We have had periods of estrangement throughout my adult years, but this needs to be the end. They gave me nothing but materialistic things. And I turn around and walk away. It couldve been thrown away, put in a drawer somewhere who knows. Its the lack of love. They are black holes who will destroy you. Shes miserable and refuses to ever get on meds , or have a life or hobby. scapegoat narcissistic quotes narcissist daughter father mother meme children abuse mothers child always quotesgram emotional guilt ridden searching approval never Its bedlam for a narcissistic family because everyone is usually messing with everyone else so no one knows what to do next once exposed!! Never know if she loves me Ive even asked her and she annoyingly retorts yeah! She is 79 years old still believing and living mirror on the wall Im the queen of all, I will annihilate you if you dare show any signs of beauty. I want to add that narcissistic mothers have a problem with giving and receiving love. I can begin to reclaim myself again. Work and kids keep me going. And I was horrified when I found at I was pregnant. Never knew what that meant. Thank you for sharing this, and if writing helps you feel free to drop in and tell us how youre doing from time to time. You practically saved my life with this blog I agreed with her after explaining that mom has made med angry and crazy. I now have a reputation to uphold!!! I am so disgusted in my vulnerability to have trusted my NarcMom to have hoped that she was different before I really comprehended the actuality and severity of her horrors. OMG. They dont even realize it makes them look bad as a parent. Yet he can have a relationship with my mother? I hope (I hate having to write this, think it, or say it to myself) she drops dead before she kills me or they rapped me in a white jacket. toxic hates postsecret narcissistic relationships sociopath pleasures narcissistic You guys know exactly what I have gone through! Im sure your brother would not have stood for any of that. Im.the one with the life she sabotaged and destroyed. NM died 6 months ago, finally, at 89 yo. For myself, I feel like a lot of it has been expressed in violent dreams too. I was the first to realize she was a narcissist and then everything just made sense with how she is. NORMAL PEOPLE DO NOT GO AROUND DESTROYING INNOCENT OEOPLES LUVES. I I am truly shocked I just how much your story resonates with myself I am only about 2 years in on figuring everything out about my mother and trying to process it all. narcissistic mother quotes mothers narcissist evil disorder personality quotesgram abuse them abusive hurt toxic Three sisters all no contact while I care for my mother as a lowly servant and am as usual of my life scapegoated into isolation from siblings that abused me thruout my life as well with prejudices and alienation from the family. Reading all the peoples experience makes me feel other people understand what I am going thru. So she goes off. I think it should be preached more that narcissistic abuse doesnt just happen in romantic relationship but in the home just as much and that just because someone is family doesnt justify any of it and keeping the peace can cause more damage then good. I have another brother and we are close and I learned from him the lies she has said about me. I must have finally reached a peak. It is very hard to come to the realization that the person you loved, admired, and truly cared about was actually doing this to you her own child. Most of my family wont talk to me and theyve all told me at one point that I need to talk to my mother, let her see her grand babies, blah blah blah, and how can I treat my mother so? Were sharing it now.. It felt very similar to the grieving process after a death in the family. You have every right to be angry, and the rage will be there for a while, so give yourself something to do. Just accepted what they said and let me them mentally torture us. What helped me was I stopped resisting, and I allowed myself to really dig in and feel it. Its hard to recover as it had lasting damage to me. Its not there, and most of us are denied emotional support for a lifetime. Theyre available and on-call for you Monday-Friday, so you dont have to wait for an appointment. Now I dont do anything I dont want to do. Stupidly, again, I have just sent the plainest mothers Day card. My sexual abuse and molestation by a babysitter was brought up casually after church as my NM sought validation that it wasnt her fault and poor mother victim. I can only imagine the pain. The mind games are real. The situation would just not get any better. My entire family of 5 now 4 dead vicious violent drunken abusive bastard dad word. Normal families dont have this mantra; they dont need it, and they have no secrets. Iget the gas lighting No amount of therapy can help. No matter what happens, freedom and truth will make you feel good and owning yourself. I didnt expect this anger. I couldnt even find the words to express the pain she had caused me. The rage of being blamed and abused and psychologically programmed to pick abusers for the rest of my life knocks me on my ass. Be aware because toxic negativity is a contagion. Guess who is now a live-in caregiver for my elderly narc dad? Its powerful stuff, so atta girl and good for you. i am 33 but i have a neurodegenerative illness and so im stuck at home still depending on both my narcissitic parents. Article is almost 100% right. Its something else. I could have perhaps had a much better life. So sorry for his fianc and child. We rise indeed! narcissistic mother scapegoat narcissist children abuse meme daughter sociopath father quotes narcissists traits daughters truth behavior often empathic know individuals Every time Ive tried to make them see how I felt, or feel; they tell me I dont feel that way and Im wrong.

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